Please forgive me

Me and some of my housemates went to Subang ss15 for Snowflake, yesterday.

He drove all the way there, 

simply maybe because I told him I wanna eat, 

or maybe one of my friend told him she wants to eat. 

Oh well, that doesn't really matter,

as long as I'm glad that I gotta chance to leave long river. :)

I got jealous yet always thought that I'm always the special one.

You're always my best friend and I love spending time with you,

I don't mind even though sometimes its tiring and boring.

You told us that you wanted to have a grand wedding so on and so for, with your girl.
and I pretty sure that's not going to be me.

The moment I saw you flirt and chat with other girls,

I tend to get pissed off, just don't understand why I acted that way.

It's so much easier to let go, isn't it?

and did you knew that, the day I saw you smiling and chatting with girls,

I can't stop but rushing to the washroom to calm myself down before things get worst.

I know it's none of my business, 

always pretend that I'm okay & fine.

why would I care and put so much of effort on you.
It's so much easier to not care, isn't it?

Problem is, I'm not you.

Somehow I just need to stop all my shitty attitude by getting jealous yet it kills, as in really kills.

It hurts and I hate the feelings.

But, who knows? No one but me myself.

Sometimes, I tend to tell myself that it's not necessary to compare with others,

because things that I have in me now do satisfied me.

Some of them keep telling how good a guy treated them and get things that they want, and then?

Does this really matter?

I just don't give shits about it.

Never be jealous of someone, one day I'll have more than they ever had.

You need not to spend something on me,
and I don't need it.

Somehow, I just really wish that you could walk into my heart and listen to what it says.

You know that, I hate of being late to class.

The first thing that makes me happy every morning is that I'd able to see your face.

but the moment I touch your arms, you shows me your irritated face and stare at me.

It do hurt my feelings, but what can I do? I still need to wake you up for class.

I really hope that,

you'd able to wake up early one day, just for a day, just do it once for me at least?

or maybe it's my problem again? 

I don't know.

I'm not complaining,

I'm questioning because I want to know,

if this is it.

During today's lecture class, 

surprisingly me and him have a nice talk about our past stories.

I'd enjoy listening it.

As history repeats itself.

It took long time and courage for me to tell him the secrets that were kept inside long time, ago.
So much more than just words.

and I wish I was born with a trusting heart.

In reality, people judged you from your actions without knowing the reasons behind it.

p/s: If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.